lazy days

I'm back from the beach! Well technically, I got back yesterday...there's a long story I could tell you about how my dad accidentally broke my air conditioning while trying to make sure it would be in pristine condition for the trip, but I'll hold back (mostly since it's too early to joke about it. It was almost as unbearable as that one time I was on the bus leaving Sainte Anne's in Nova Scotia, en route to the airport, where the driver--who, mind you, has his own little comfy fans--somehow did not notice that he had the heater on full blast and not the AC, thus causing all of us to overheat-->faint-->fall asleep (I kid you not), confused of why it was so hot...until this one brave soul crawled. I repeat, crawled, up the aisle and informed clueless mister chauffer that we were literally toasting...actually, I'll admit that that particular experience was probably one of the worst in my life. So driving to the beach and back without air conditioning was very bearable in comparison, though my eardrums hate me from the highway wind...

Okay, I'm rambling. Anyway, what I wanted to say was that the beach was beautiful, although the water pretty chilly, and that it was such a fun day/evening/half day spent there with some of my senior friends and some random other people, and I finally understand why Americans have this huge beach house-mentality. Because I have caught the same mindset. Must go down there again soon.

However, today was spent clearing up some misunderstandings (number three within the last two days, in fact), being upset about missing outdoor park painting as a result of the third misunderstanding, heading out to a delicious brunch at Hank's (which was also close to the outdoor painting venue, so a good/weird/bad thing), visiting a small organic market close to home for the first time, beating the Elite Four minus the Champion in Pokemon White, taking a nap, making delicious summer rolls for the church Bible study potluck and mooching off the ingredients, eating some more at the potluck, coming home and beating the Champion, finishing uploading/catching up on photo albums for Facebook (I somehow feel incomplete when I'm not caught up. It's strange and slightly OCD, though I'm getting better), uploading a few to Flickr/starting the endless process of editing late uploads, and writing this.

Summer is awesome, to be totally colloquial and brief. I feel like I've been productive since I read and do this photo sorting thing and don't spend all my time online but sometimes watch ABDC episodes to see Chachi dance...but overall, it's been nice. I am slowly giving up on the prospect of a job--anyhow, my summer is actually pretty filled up--and should begin writing an actual to-do list before June slips away.

In the meantime, I love these lazy days.

the tide is turning

this is redemption's hour...


Hello! :)

I'm presently studying ("studying") for my AP French exam, which is in approximately 24 hours. Scary, but I find myself a lot calmer than I would expect. To be truthful, I didn't plan on studying at all, but was sort of peer-pressured into it--though not a bad thing, I suppose. I should, however, start reviewing for AP Stat, which is my last test, since I know I'm not going to do well. I have no idea how to do anything and haven't practiced in two weeks. Bah.

Nevertheless I'm in this oddly light mood. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm almost done all my APs and especially because the intense stress that revolved around AP Studio Art has finally dwindled and this truly marks the end of the school year. The end of my K-12 educational career. The end of an era.

Not sure what's going to happen over the summer...must finish applying to jobs...but I'm so excited. Nothing ever turns out as planned, as I've well come to acknowledging while trying to make plans for the next few months ever since September rolled around, but God has and always will provide.

This is such a random amalgamation of thoughts, but really, I'm just super excited to be done with French tomorrow and then study my butt off in a last-minute cram for Stat and then just leave the rest to God and the AP curve, heh...either way everything will turn out straight dandy and I know my syntax and diction do not match up whatsoever at this point, but it's just this strange feeling, not formally being in school for so long. Things are really ending. I just can't believe it.

I'll hopefully be back with more coherence soon. And another interjection: I'm fond of the "new" Blogger editor. And not having a protective guard over my MBP's keyboard. Even though that's dangerous and temporary, since I have to wash/clean the protector...but anyway.

Back to work! Going to do another multiple choice section or two and then pack up for the evening. I was thinking of starting Stat, but I mean, an extra half hour isn't going to really change anything, right?

More later,
M :)

roodoodoop

a) vacuumed room

b) cleared and dusted table, counter, dresser, desk-tops

c) showering early ("early") in the evening so my hair dries nicely

d) inception. jgl.

e) finishing priority work while spending time with yg kiddos

f) reminiscing on bad times and appreciating the present

g) anticipated nostalgia. i'm going to miss delaware and the '11s.

h) beauty in rain

i) loving parents

j) may

k) childhood games and their updated versions never growing old

l) mac aesthetics. still can't get over it.

m) my phone, camera, camcorder, headphones, ipod, electronics.

n) ap credit

o) driving and morning prayers

p) esv. new niv, which i'm just starting to discover

q) words with friends free being an almost perfect substitute for the paid version

r) picking lasting presents

s) harry potter seven. the end of an era.

t) simplifying my closet

u) knowing berkeley will be a restart...something i appreciate

v) faith in Him

w) inherent ability to "hear" grammar

x) language puns and uncanny similarities

y) retrospect appreciation (in retrospect, i already put this down)

z) a new day in twenty-one minutes.

happy may!

Decided.

A new chapter...it's insane how in a matter of a few days (one, really), the course of my next four years of schooling was officially determined. I'm returning "home" to Berkeley this fall; I never would have guessed and am so incredibly indebted to God for leading me on this path.

I'm so, so excited. And nervous. But mostly excited :).

The prayer meeting I'm leading is about to start so that's it for today--hopefully I took my needed break from yearbook and will get back on the ball toward academic, spiritual, mental, and physical success.

Jia you!

(PS...Pokemon White: that's what's up.)

fin.

The yearbook has been completely finished and submitted.

:)

To be honest, I expected a wave of relief and a huge burden to be lifted off my back, but that feeling hasn't come yet. Have I ever even experienced that? Nonetheless, I am so joyful right now--I even got a rejection letter today, and it's not affecting me in the least. Well, that could just have been because I was so concentrated on getting the darned book over with, but anyway, God has impeccable timing.

Going to sleep shortly. I think I'm going to pass on attempting homework...teachers will understand, I hope.

Good night, and yay, I'll be blogging regularly again!

catchup

No, not the condiment.

So, news! I'll try to make this as quick as possible...

1) I got into a lovely school in California with weather I may not be able to turn down.

2) Today marks the first day of our mid-semester break. Emulating colleges, much? I'm so grateful, though; I've been waiting for this weekend depuis longtemps!

3) If I keep up my comprehension progress, I may apparently get a 5 on the AP French exam.

4) Charter's getting a new president and I'm actually slightly jealous this is happening after I leave. Both candidates are promising, but the one I think is going to get the job is just a fantastic person. He served in Vietnam and the Gulf War and his commitment and international experience is so evident.

5) I got a haircut today. It's been about half a year. I'm not sure what I think of it, but less shampoo usage, yay.

6) The yearbook is due next next Monday. I'm excited. Will it get done? HECK YES.

7) Speaking of, I must continue working on it now :) more later, hopefully!

too little too late

A bit depressed. My grades right now much better reflect the ones I was receiving prior to midterms, which dropped almost all my marks, except for French and Art (both constant/steady A's that I wouldn't be able to raise due to the rigor of the class anyway, so all's well with them).

Discrete: 93 --> 96

AP Stat: 88 --> 92.46 (poop I need .04 points.)

AP Lit: 91 --> 94

Physics: 86 --> 89

And then there's gym, my single-semester course, which is clearly a high A...seeing my grades readjust to the caliber that they were originally at (minus physics, which was initially much higher, but is ultimately my fault for being too prideful to ask for help when I needed it as of late) is satisfying but bittersweet: my universities won't see this. They've already made a decision on me.

Yet again, it goes back to a singular point, that I no longer have any control of my decision. Trust and obey, Mary. Trust and obey.

brown

Just like how the MIT Head Admissions Officer being a phony was revealed immediately following my brother's admission decision convinced me that God purposely closed that door in his life (and had a better one in mind! Stanford heck yeahhh), this appears to me as yet another indicator that my God is in control, and that I was shut out of Brown for a purpose.

(If you're confused, I often jokingly-but-not-really cite Brown's sudden 10k increase in applicants to Emma Watson making the school headline news...hey, the timelines match and everything...but now that she's gone, I am sure the school will be notably less popular.)

Not to say that He's going to resultantly place me at Harvard for grad school or something insane as what happened to ge (though I know he deserves it), but rather I should trust His will and realize that, quoting a friend, "I believe I've done everything I had to in order to be qualified."

I will be okay.

:)

ramblings

Also, the iPad 2 looks great, despite rumors that the iPad 3 is going to be something to "sing and dance about."

Also, my dad was 100% sure that spiders couldn't have more than two eyes.

Also, I persevered somehow through all my classes, an Activity Period spent in Physics per my own decision, actually worked on art in art, stayed after for two hours and legitimately worked on the yearbook, got a chunk of my homework done before dinner, and also participated in the weekly prayer meeting.

And then decided to look at the iPad ads, talked to my parents about it and inspected the new packages I un-boxed today, talked to my brother on FaceTime with the rest of the fam, and now I'm here.

How productive :) if only I could fit a good half hour to one hour of running in today. Not to mention that I still have to finish a French assignment and study for a Statistics quiz...but it will get done.

I have faith.

augment!

So happy to see the youth group grow :)

lazy mile

(via Flickr)

Went running for the first time in ages. Felt incredible. This is the result :)

day twenty-seven

A picture of you last year and now and how you've changed since then?

2010 Winter Retreat (photo courtesy the Lins)

2011 Winter Retreat (photo again courtesy the Lins)

I'm still playing the piano. I'm still in a small group. I'm still active in the church. I'm still a scarf person. I still French braid my hair as a default. I still have that awkward, forced camera smile. I still have that heart ring on. I still use the same keyboard. I still love retreats.

I'm not playing the piano against my will anymore. I'm not just in a small group for retreats; I'm leading a small group. I'm more active in church than I originally planned to be, all glory to God. I don't buy scarfs anymore, I'm gifted them...I am slowly switching to a messy, amateur fishtail braid. I am actually genuinely happy before a camera, awkward smile or not. That heart ring has welded into a part of me, not just as an accessory. I don't need the transpose button anymore, though I may chose to use it in tight spots and last-second key changes. I will likely not be attending another WCEC+WCCEC winter retreat again, ever.

I was sixteen, I am seventeen. I was set on one college, I am open to God's options for me. I thought I understood sacrifice, I am learning to give some more each day. I was using a Dell, I am using a Mac. I had a Versa that I guarded with my life, I have an iPhone 4 that I guard with my life. I overpacked and wore my bat-wing sweater way too much, I still wear my bat-wing sweater but pack more conservatively. I slept late by choice, I sleep late by force. I did my homework on a bed, I do my homework on a dining table. And on, and on, and on. But:

I was a Christian, I am a Christian.

Some things never change.

one more

You know what's funny?

I was notified of my first college acceptance today. The in-productivity and thrill that ensued was completely unexpected. I'm aware that I will be excited and happy and satisfied wherever I end up, but feeling this way about my safety (my only safety), right now, today, was strange.

I am excited.

You know what's funny?

Many of the passwords I had to fabricate at the start of the school year (for various college things) revolved around what was my top-choice college. Two of my main school-related pass codes, actually, are directly derived from my former dream school. I contemplated this during the wait-time of November, knowing that if denied acceptance, I would either be forced to change all my passwords and restart the finger-memory process...or keep them. Live with the pain. But you know what I did?

I kept them. All of them.

And they make no difference to me now. What an incredible peace I've gained from God.

You know what's funny?

new life

This week has been fairly horrible, but! the later part of today probably makes up for everything. Anyway, I'm becoming more of an optimistic thinker.

- I didn't win a portfolio award for the Scholastics competition, but my Haiti piece that I'm gifting to someone next week did win a merit award!

- I also discovered that the reason why none of my other pieces had received awards is because unlike past years, this time the judges aren't pulling pieces out of portfolios to be adjudicated, which makes total sense. Not that I believe all my artwork is A+ quality, but I did spend an awful lot of time on some of them, which I thought would earn me a few keys :(.

- This means that my midterm grade will not automatically be a C, since the art teachers will be looking over everyone's portfolio a second time to see the quality of work, since the original "how-many-awards-you-win-determines-your-midterm-grade" policy is nullified due to the new judging rule.

But anyway,

- I got out of school early because it's an A-day...awesome.

- I ate at PureBread for lunch--I've been craving their Akita Panini for something like three weeks. It was the most gratifying meal I've had in quite some time. Akita's the first thing I tried there, and the only thing I've had there as a result. Portobella mushrooms serve as thee perfect "meat" to a sandwich.

- While I was at PureBread, I happened to have a spare piece of paper and pen in my wristlet, thus was able to plan out in what direction my AP Art portfolio is going. It seems like I have much time, but I know I need to keep chugging along in order to make this work. I'm going to get a 5. I have to.

- Went to A.C. Moore and found the perfect sized canvas for the next piece I had in mind. Although I had to wait an extra 15 minutes in line because I realized my canvas packaging was ripped, it was worth it because!

- It's snowing!

(However, I almost died twice sliding on the ice...I've never driven in the snow before, actually.)

- You know how when a steady flurry begins and the snow dust on the road flies around as cars drive on it due to heat/wind/not being wet and slushy/etc.? I'm not sure for the actual reasoning behind this, but I think it's the coolest, most beautiful thing ever. It's like the snow has a personality, but it also reminds me of chocolate swirls at the same time. I don't think I'm being coherent. I wish I had brought my video Nano with me to take some footage.

- After getting home, I took Abu for a walk! He hasn't had exercise of that sort in...yeah this is embarrassing to admit, but anyway, it was well-deserved. He's a good boy :).

And now I'm home. It's just hitting 3pm, and I may/may not have an art lesson tonight depending on the snow...nonetheless, I'm going to take a break and watch some Psych and work out the details of my next oil piece. So excited!

(If my productivity level continues to grow from when my motivation began last night, I think I'll be superwoman by the time winter break is over. Crossed fingers! I really need momentum.)

charter

I never once regretted my decision to go to Charter, although I was fairly miserable for the first few months (truth is, I still am...but I've learned to tolerate it--the crap days are as ritual as breathing now, just need to keep my head up!). Yet time after time, acts of unity really draw me back to the core of the school. Yes, we're a huge group of nerds; yes, we overemphasize academics; yes, we have "no social life"; but yes, we are passionate; yes, we're one of the top 50 best schools in the entire United States (and not even 20 years old); yes, we have character.

Simply: I love my school.

Where else could I find a Muggle Quidditch match? Where else are physics jokes cracked in art class? Where else is Facebook massively used for organizing study groups? Where else can I find this strange, twisted sense of comfort that comes from being around others who are equally if not more dedicated to schoolwork and success than me?

I'm glad this was my first choice, and I'm glad I was given the opportunity to go. Seeing how admissions works now, I'm not sure I would be accepted if I had tried out last year or in future years, but I'm ever-thankful for this opportunity to experience something so unique and so exciting, though I've sacrificed many a night of sleep to adequately study for an exam.

I know that I still haven't gotten back on track with the 30-day challenge, but I thought that this was something important to mention. I love unity; I loved seeing the school today on the football field's bleachers, wrecked and all, pumped and cheering for a fictional game morphed into reality. I loved it.

And now for my nine-day break...so convenient. Things are going to happen during this break. Things are going to change. I can feel it.

(What better way to start the weekend than a few extra hours at school sipping Butterbeer and chatting with friends while pointing fingers and the painfully-fast Cross Country runners playing Snitch, then stressfully preparing for the evening youth group program only to find that everything I was overwhelmed about melted away after a few more hours of genuine happiness and fun worshipping and learning and discussing more about God? :) Though I need to sleep early...tomorrow's Princeton! Another college visit [before I even get to talk about Columbia or Pratt!], here I come!)

kvetch

Psalms 74:9 (the second psalm written by Asaph)
We are given no miraculous signs;
no prophets are left,
and none of us knows how long this will be.

I cannot even imagine what this must feel like. Of course in our present-day situation prophets are not abundant (or even present?) and followers of Christ do not perform such drastic public miracles, but it has been this way for a long time. Think of when the living generations could tangibly remember God's potent, obvious presence. And suddenly, it fades...without question, He remains, but what a stark change. We modern-day citizens really have no right to complain: the despair Asaph's generation must have felt is beyond comprehension.

so grateful.

I have a tendency of absorbing other's emotions and regurgitating them at a x10 amplified level. A little weird, but if you ever see me screaming out of happiness or extremely undoubtedly upset, 99% of the time, the situation has nothing to do with me.

So without further ado, Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV): "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

He is so, so in control, always giving us more than what we deserve in the most creative ways--in the most effective ways--to help us understand how much He actually really, completely, truly loves us.

I don't want to be a volcano of pure bliss when things aren't confirmed yet, but it looks like I won't be going to China this summer :(...but it's a perfectly acceptable opportunity cost for something like this, especially because the benefits of not going admittedly have always outweighed the costs of going. Thank you so, so much, Father. And as if I needed anymore motivation (perpetually, actually!), this is perfect. So, so perfect.

My ten-ish hours of homework, on the other hand, is nothing close to perfect, BUT! No reason to complain. Ever. How lucky am I to have a world-class education mapped out for me?

Incredibly.

(PS: Hillsong United was nothing short of amazing two nights ago. As if life cannot get any better. See the April 16th devotion in My Utmost for His Highest for more. And even crazier, this all ties in with last night's Bible study to form a very, very successfully enlightening and words-cannot-describe weekend.)

(PPS: Also, I can now officially drive alone. Continual prayer for my (and everyone around me...) safety, please!)

calminality

Today's another one of those really peaceful, calm, quiet days. I got my timed, hour-long AP Lang homework assignment done, and then started to browse online/finish a movie when I found out...there's no school tomorrow, either :)!

Amazing feeling. I'm going to take the rest of the day off (but I probably won't, because my conscious is already nagging for me to finish yesterday's homework...it's going to start piling up), and then maybe head to the gym for the first time in ages, aha, and then finish my latest (and favorite, thus far!) oil painting at class today.

Pure bliss. (And it's going to snow tomorrow night and throughout Wednesday, meaning my 4.5 day weekend will be extended a couple more days, hopefully!)

But back to the movie I was watching--Paris, Je T'aime. I started it a month or two ago and never finished it; it's easy to stop and start because it's a compilation of short stories, and it has to be one of the cutest yet grounded films I've seen. It resembles Love Actually, except in French and with a lot of random situations thrown in. I love the fact that it takes place in almost all the neighborhoods that make up Paris, which I didn't actually notice until towards the end, and that all the stories share a commonality in style and simplicity. Definitely worth a watch.

France has this impeccable and captivating charm that is pretty indescribable. Maybe it has to do with housing le Tour Eiffel, being a major fashion capital, the art-form that food is in the nation, the laid-back lifestyle everyone picks up there, having both gorgeous countrysides and these worn, beautiful cities...or maybe it just has to do with how lovely the language is, by itself.

It's hard to put into words, but I do know that I want to live there for at least a few months of my life. I'm not exactly sure how I ventured into this topic, but I do know it's something I'm pretty passionate about. These types of days are my favorite--I wouldn't call them lazy, since I have gotten (a little) work done, but the majority of the day leads to much reflection, whether outward or inward.

Onto New York, I Love You! I don't expect it to possess the same charm as PJT, but I'm excited to see Orlando Bloom on film for the first time since Pirates of the Caribbean. Yum!

mental health day

For someone who's been obsessively tracking the stats of those who got accepted into Ivy schools this year, who's spent more time reading a college essay compilation book than on Facebook in the past week (wow), who's been nonstop cramming and whipping herself into intellectual shape...today has been my perfect mental health day :).

Dabbling into my past, more colorful schedule, I spent a couple hours practicing on both my guitars and shooting photos along with playing in the snow with Abu and giving him a bath afterwards to melt the icicles that fondly grew on his stomach.

Of course, these days are rare...snow in December??? Really?! But either way, I'm happy I could just slow down for a few hours today before the rush of the holidays ("holidays") begins.

I don't really have anything in particular to say for today, except that it's been really...normal. I think when someone is limited to activities within the house (today was supposed to be a King of Prussia shopping trip) and is forced to appreciate the surrounding beauty...it's been a sort of old-fashioned day, with shoveling and talking to my parents and just listening to music...but it's nice.

Oh, but something I did want to talk about...

[1) I've been editing all my posts in the HTML box up until this sentence. Wow.]

2) My year of memories is almost up.

This "year of memories" thing was a NYR I started last year on the dot, a digital journal of one good memory recorded each day. I am really, really bad at committing to personal endeavors and goals, but this one very surprisingly stuck. I've managed to type up a memory for each day for over 350 days. Maybe it doesn't sound impressive to anyone else, but for me...this type of really trivial commitment is a huge accomplishment for me.

I'll probably reflect on it more in the future (I have to step out of this surreal world and back into my homework-drowned life), but I think it's fascinating that I've basically cured myself from pessimistic thinking and potentially disposed of probably 80% of my depressive nature. Crazy? Yes. The smile I now wear is more than genuine.

Okay, it's pretty obvious that my writing/flow/transition skills have deteriorated...but no worries on my behalf; winter break means more writing (erm maybe) and hopefully I'll be up to par before college essay time I know it.

Also, I've decided that I prefer writing my blogs in the HTML box. I don't know why.

restart

I've always loved how a clean room feels like a clean start.

A clean slate, clean day, clean life.

Suddenly everything seems brighter...more pursuable, even. Put-together and optimistic. Pure and kempt. Focus re-fixed, motivation renewed; life graspable for a few moments. It's as if because I can accomplish picking up the mess I've made in stacks of clothing and untouched textbooks, I instantaneously have the means and ability to clean up my life.

It's an ephemeral feeling, but it's nice.