augment!

So happy to see the youth group grow :)

drive

I sort of didn't think I would have to begin feeling the burdens of being a senior until September, maybe August. Sunday disproved this. Despite not really having massive responsibilities until autumn rolls around (okay, who am I kidding), I'm still having a slight panic-attack and know this summer needs to be a period of mental, emotional, and spiritual preparation. But shouldn't I always be preparing for leadership roles? To act as a manifestation of Christ?

Thanks for the wake-up call, God. I hope...know that You'll lead me through this successfully. (Whether I do more good than damage is another story, however.)

Eep. I have one remaining final on Wednesday, and then I can officially think of myself as a senior. I am a senior, technically speaking, because the class of '10 graduated on Saturday. What ever happened to the self-assurance that I would become this mature, interesting, knowledgeable individual by the time three years of high school had passed?

WHAT'S GOING ON???

Not to say that I am not grateful; I am completely, 100% in thankful disbelief (over many things, though this was definitely the hardest hit). Who knew I'd even be alive in 2010? Just, wow.

Old song, but whatever tomorrow brings...I won't be there with open arms and open eyes. I'm already here.

overwhelmed (a bit)

1) The 7th grade welcome night for youth group went pretty well, I think. Games could have gone smoother, but I'm not going to blame anyone for that...Seems like I'll be helping with it from now on, so I'll just say it'll only get better :). Learn from experience, yes?

2) I was super-duper nervous about small groups, since this was the first time I've lead as an actual...leader; however my group is very talkative (surprisingly), and I think we'll all click nicely. Seeing we already have. Yeah :).

3) My mommy's kind of stressing me out about my whole birthday party situation. I've never been one to have huge extravagant bashes, however for my 16th I do feel like I should at least acknowledge that I'm aging. Supposedly 16 is a very sweet year, but I kind of doubt that seeing I'm taking APs for the first time and my pick was probably not the best...But it seems that at the moment, the most likely thing that will happen is maybe a shopping trip in the morning with a few girls and a dinner at night with a bunch of church people. Perhaps a movie and some random games at my place? It's way too small to host anything in, though (in my opinion). I'd like to do something with school friends only, too, and I guess I have time to think of something? I never really do, though, which is a real shame. School really does get in the way of things, though. I don't want anything complicated else I will become the reason for incomplete homework assignments and lack of thorough studying...Yeahhh...

4) On that note, I was going to get snowboarding gear for my birthday (kind of a stretch, since if that's my birthday present, what the heck was my 50d/Gretsch? Ha, ha), and since Ski Bum has a huge sale next weekend I mentioned it to my mom. Money's pretty tight since Dartmouth's tuition skyrocketed and this is Austin's last year (good thing, bad thing) so my mom was pretty hesitant about discussing it--the reason why she brought up my birthday plans...I think she expects me to do something crazy and expensive? But if I don't get equip now, I guess it's not a big deal since I have plenty of time before ski ways open and I've time to learn how to properly board. Where there's a will, there's a way :) so no worries from me! I'm glad I'm calm about this already. I was kind of scared I'd start writing a huge complaining, spoiled-brat post. Hopefully this is kind of different from that.

5) Did I mention I start driving on the 9th? I'm SO. EXCITED. There was this huge issue of me maybe not being able to learn before my birthday, but seeing I end the driving portion on the 22nd of September, it should be no problem. Thank God :) if I wasn't going to finish in time, it would be a huge problem come time for me to drive alone, and being able to go to school by myself during DSTPs (HA. NO MORE READING/WRITING/MATH FOR ME!!!) and for tennis season, workload permitted. Ja ja ja so this is all very intriguing to me. Also, apparently my driving partner is a sophomore...interesting.

6) My family and I are going to Rehoboth/Lewes tomorrow :). It'll be fun; I've only been to the beach once this summer, I think? I love the ocean, though...I definitely plan on spending time there in the winter and spring, when I can drive myself places. There's no point in living along the coast if you don't fully take advantage of it. So I'd also like to start visiting more beaches in the area soon? But anyway, tomorrow will most likely be a shopping-oriented trip. I am in dire need of a new wardrobe ;).

7) I think waiting is a good thing.

family

Today I was looking at a Facebook album of my friend's youth group (from Rhode Island)'s hiking trip. There's something about the photos that just emits vibes of togetherness. I've been long jealous of the relationships that church has, but over time I've come to accept my youth group family for what it is: a family, just a different type than the Rhode Island kids'. We probably couldn't do the same things that they do; I don't think hiking would work well with our people, but we do bond in our own way, even if we aren't the same as that other youth group. And I love our youth group so, so much. Today is proof; I just got home from a 7? hour hangout with a bunch of the kids in our area (and a few who ventured pretty far to come). We pretty much just watched "Laputa" and "Get Smart" and played Killer. And I fell asleep. But it's times like these that I treasure; times I know I'm going to miss.

It's hard to think of graduating...but in all honesty I'm only a year away from being a senior. I get nostalgic so, so easily, and thinking about it just throws me into this whirlwind of thoughts. So many of my friends (especially from church) have graduated, and they stick around and I get to see them enough to not get sad, but I know that as I get closer to being a senior and more and more of my peers graduate (the upcoming class of seniors is a huge chunk of our church's youth group, and I've been tight with them for 10 years, probably more), I'm going to see a lot of these people a lot less. It's pretty depressing, but I'm clinging onto the thought that one day, if I never see them again, we'll be reunited in heaven for the most wonderful time to ever exist.

And that's what I'm holding onto.