two vs. two

Bye, Medill :( ...though I'm not nearly as sad as I probably would be if I hadn't had my Brown heartbreak. Something good out of everything bad, eh?

Waiting for the next! Actually, I probably should wait to post this so I can link the rejections together if that's the case, heh.

ouch

"So when people say college is awesome do you think it's because they have a blast praising God? It's cause they can sin and get away with it so easily."

snip

catchup

No, not the condiment.

So, news! I'll try to make this as quick as possible...

1) I got into a lovely school in California with weather I may not be able to turn down.

2) Today marks the first day of our mid-semester break. Emulating colleges, much? I'm so grateful, though; I've been waiting for this weekend depuis longtemps!

3) If I keep up my comprehension progress, I may apparently get a 5 on the AP French exam.

4) Charter's getting a new president and I'm actually slightly jealous this is happening after I leave. Both candidates are promising, but the one I think is going to get the job is just a fantastic person. He served in Vietnam and the Gulf War and his commitment and international experience is so evident.

5) I got a haircut today. It's been about half a year. I'm not sure what I think of it, but less shampoo usage, yay.

6) The yearbook is due next next Monday. I'm excited. Will it get done? HECK YES.

7) Speaking of, I must continue working on it now :) more later, hopefully!

before the storm, after the storm

And there will come a time, you'll see

With no more tears; and love will not break your heart

But dismiss your fears; get over your hill and see

What you find there; with grace in your heart & flowers in your hair.

too little too late

A bit depressed. My grades right now much better reflect the ones I was receiving prior to midterms, which dropped almost all my marks, except for French and Art (both constant/steady A's that I wouldn't be able to raise due to the rigor of the class anyway, so all's well with them).

Discrete: 93 --> 96

AP Stat: 88 --> 92.46 (poop I need .04 points.)

AP Lit: 91 --> 94

Physics: 86 --> 89

And then there's gym, my single-semester course, which is clearly a high A...seeing my grades readjust to the caliber that they were originally at (minus physics, which was initially much higher, but is ultimately my fault for being too prideful to ask for help when I needed it as of late) is satisfying but bittersweet: my universities won't see this. They've already made a decision on me.

Yet again, it goes back to a singular point, that I no longer have any control of my decision. Trust and obey, Mary. Trust and obey.

gravity

brown

Just like how the MIT Head Admissions Officer being a phony was revealed immediately following my brother's admission decision convinced me that God purposely closed that door in his life (and had a better one in mind! Stanford heck yeahhh), this appears to me as yet another indicator that my God is in control, and that I was shut out of Brown for a purpose.

(If you're confused, I often jokingly-but-not-really cite Brown's sudden 10k increase in applicants to Emma Watson making the school headline news...hey, the timelines match and everything...but now that she's gone, I am sure the school will be notably less popular.)

Not to say that He's going to resultantly place me at Harvard for grad school or something insane as what happened to ge (though I know he deserves it), but rather I should trust His will and realize that, quoting a friend, "I believe I've done everything I had to in order to be qualified."

I will be okay.

:)

infinity

(flickr)

Relax

And take your time

To trust in me

And you will find

Infinity

i love this:

"dealing with desaster"

(I figured out what my January book was! A Rope and A Prayer, how could I forget?! I also finished All the Pretty Horses for AP Lit today--a bit slow at first and difficult to read due to all the imagery...but possibly one of my favorites. I might even read the next book in the trilogy for March, though I hear it's fairly dry. Hmmm.)

books

I just finished my February novel (a few days late, undeniably), Eat Pray Love.

Beautiful book. I hope to travel similarly within my lifetime, if not in a few years. On another note, it's hard to believe that I went through almost all of my four years in high school without touching a book at my own will...I've missed this conclusive feeling...it even transcends the fact that another napless Friday afternoon has passed.

(But this is bad: does anyone remember what book I read for January? I can't remember for the life of me.)

aftermath

(via hillsong digital booklet)

ramblings

Also, the iPad 2 looks great, despite rumors that the iPad 3 is going to be something to "sing and dance about."

Also, my dad was 100% sure that spiders couldn't have more than two eyes.

Also, I persevered somehow through all my classes, an Activity Period spent in Physics per my own decision, actually worked on art in art, stayed after for two hours and legitimately worked on the yearbook, got a chunk of my homework done before dinner, and also participated in the weekly prayer meeting.

And then decided to look at the iPad ads, talked to my parents about it and inspected the new packages I un-boxed today, talked to my brother on FaceTime with the rest of the fam, and now I'm here.

How productive :) if only I could fit a good half hour to one hour of running in today. Not to mention that I still have to finish a French assignment and study for a Statistics quiz...but it will get done.

I have faith.

refusal

Not going to be that girl. Nope.

irony

I wore my brother's free UD sweater today during school (the whole day, in fact. It's funny that seniors do actually have a free pass on these types of things; I wasn't fully aware of this fact...or maybe I was just lucky today), but I guess I actually don't wear it outside of home as much as I thought, since several people commented on it.

Including a friend who chuckled and said, "it's funny seeing that sweater on you of all people."

Not sure if this is a compliment or a tart remark of my expectations of myself or a manifestation of others' expectations for me.

---

Also, I have been sleeping minimally ("minimally") these past few days and am kind of dying, so I'm off to finish work now and hopefully drop back into REM oblivion...

perdre et trouver

FINALLY! After months of searching and my brother's continuous "I don't remember ever seeing it, even when I first bought the Mac!!!" remarks, my mom pulled this sucker out of a random plastic bag today. I can finally sit more than three feet away from the outlet plug! Lovee :)

(/shameless Stanford plug, heh)

disalignment

(flickr)

augment!

So happy to see the youth group grow :)

gradient

The sky's black here, but there's a sheet of blue, clear outlining some miles away.

one more thing

Brianna: We should change this year's theme to "OPROMA"

Brianna: Instead of DJs, we'll have speeches!

I am going to sorely miss high school and these random outbursts of hilarity.

poignant

Me: I don't think she likes me very much...

Friend: Who?

Me: [name]

Friend: And why do you care. Stop telling me stupid things.

normalcy

I'm going to try and regulate my sleep cycle...thank the Lord I have AP Stat last tomorrow, which gives me ample time to finish the rest of my homework (for some reason I always underestimate the time it takes to read, process, and understand new material. Ah well, the weekend starts tomorrow so HAKUNA MATATA!!).

Today was very productive, although I suppose I could have done better if I hadn't taken that brief nap; but now that I think of it, I was going to review an old Stat chapter during that time if I hadn't slept, so I would still be in the same place nonetheless. And I got an extra hour of sleep during that time, yay!

So off to brush my teeth and do devos, which means I will be sleeping in half an hour yipee! I live for the weekends, though I'm trying to slowly appreciate each school day as a gift from God, although I often prefer to parallel each day to a bit of hell.

Night :)

(PS, I just realized that I have a "statistics" tag already. Wow, I must complain about this class a lot...)

lazy mile

(via Flickr)

Went running for the first time in ages. Felt incredible. This is the result :)

light

I want to live in lighting like this.

prayer

Calms me, calms my anger, calms my fears, calms my worry, calms my qualms.

Makes me more forgiving...lets me imitate Christ...gives me a hope and happiness found nowhere else.

Love me, Father. Teach me more.

grateful

1, 2, 3 :)

Too many things to praise the Lord about. Also too many things I still have to finish by tonight. I'm attempting a scholarship application for Berkeley...I wonder if I'll get accepted? Either way, the whole process of applying and selling oneself is intriguing and educational and I suppose the fact that my family has the means to pay for all those college applications and that I am eligible to apply for scholarships and that I have somehow taken on "leadership roles" in my few high school years to become an unconventional but fitting candidate for one or the other of the things I am working on; all this and more is something to be happy and thankful about.

Also, I find it difficult to keep up with an online blog and physical diary at the same time. Whenever I have a lapse in updating this thing, I'm usually committed to my Quo Vadis, and vice versa. I hope I can find a happy medium--both of these are useful and beyond helpful in documenting myself, I'm just not really sure which is best for what purpose.

Time to check up on my subscriptions, shower, write for my scholarship (bah), do statistics homework, study for physics...study some more for physics, and hopefully figure out how I'm going to complete both my AP portfolio and yearbook in time for the respective deadlines.

Ack.

day thirty (!!!)

A photo of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

My 365 for today; click photo to be redirected to my Flickr :)

1. I got an iPhone...and a case for it (today!), along with discovering many new and intriguing applications. Pocket frog, you are my favorite.
2. I ate more avocados than I have in probably the past year. Having another for lunch tomorrow!
3. I learned to appreciate gym class for what it is--basic physical education. Although this is completely hypocritical since I'm dreading tomorrow's speed ball game...I am neither a punter nor a dunker nor a good passer, and this game mixes my lack of talent in three completely different sports (football, soccer, basketball). I preferred our floor hockey unit :(.

And the 30-day challenge (#2!) is complete! I'm excited, should I start another? Hmmm :)

bhldn

If I cannot get Oscar de la Renta or Karl Lagerfeld or Vera Wang to design my wedding dress, I think I'm going to go with Anthropologie's new line, BHLDN. Beautiful, unique, and priced similarly to J. Crew's bridal line...affordable for post-grads but still so simply beautiful.

J'en suis conquis. I am smitten.

day twenty-nine

Something you would never get tired of doing

Eating portobello mushrooms.

...Okay fine. I'll never tire of spending time with friends, participating in a great worship session, playing with birds and squeeing about how adorable my puppy is, taking photos (I hope) and obsessing over Apple products, reading a good novel, listening to wind-chimes at night, enjoying a clean room, listening to the I Heart Revolution on full blast, flossing my teeth, trying on a new pair of shoes, taking showers, going to the beach and going to the mountains, making faces at friends from across the room, smelling fresh laundry and putting on jeans after shaving, watching inspiring movies and old favorites, dreaming and pursuing my dreams (according to God's will, that is).

day twenty-eight

Your favorite movie

Transformers, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Inception.

I'm as proud as I am shameful that my favorites are all completely viral--sometimes I feel like I should be immersing myself in more obscure "classics," but in light of the 21st century, I find my choices appropriate. All action flicks, sure, but the unifying force is really the graphics and advancement in HOW to create the illusion of reality in a two-point-five hour block.

All three of these have succeeded; resultantly, I can (and do) watch them over and over and over. They also make up a large portion of my movie collection, since I rarely buy films. I understand that my picks are probably washed out by the media, but at their core, I am undivided in my choice: they never fail to stun me :).

---

Field trip to watch Race in Philly tomorrow! I hope I don't forget my glasses and actually do something with my "relaxed" evening tonight...hum dee dum...

day twenty-seven

A picture of you last year and now and how you've changed since then?

2010 Winter Retreat (photo courtesy the Lins)

2011 Winter Retreat (photo again courtesy the Lins)

I'm still playing the piano. I'm still in a small group. I'm still active in the church. I'm still a scarf person. I still French braid my hair as a default. I still have that awkward, forced camera smile. I still have that heart ring on. I still use the same keyboard. I still love retreats.

I'm not playing the piano against my will anymore. I'm not just in a small group for retreats; I'm leading a small group. I'm more active in church than I originally planned to be, all glory to God. I don't buy scarfs anymore, I'm gifted them...I am slowly switching to a messy, amateur fishtail braid. I am actually genuinely happy before a camera, awkward smile or not. That heart ring has welded into a part of me, not just as an accessory. I don't need the transpose button anymore, though I may chose to use it in tight spots and last-second key changes. I will likely not be attending another WCEC+WCCEC winter retreat again, ever.

I was sixteen, I am seventeen. I was set on one college, I am open to God's options for me. I thought I understood sacrifice, I am learning to give some more each day. I was using a Dell, I am using a Mac. I had a Versa that I guarded with my life, I have an iPhone 4 that I guard with my life. I overpacked and wore my bat-wing sweater way too much, I still wear my bat-wing sweater but pack more conservatively. I slept late by choice, I sleep late by force. I did my homework on a bed, I do my homework on a dining table. And on, and on, and on. But:

I was a Christian, I am a Christian.

Some things never change.

day twenty-six

A photo of somewhere you've been

Haiti. One of the most beautiful, broken places on earth.

--

(I'm back from winter retreat!)

superbowl commercials

Although I did watch half of the Superbowl, I didn't really notice any commercials. Like, none at all. Maybe it was because I was on the computer the whole time, but the day after, I couldn't place any of what I had seen, except maybe a few seconds of one clip (the car buying guide commercial? Can't remember).

So, just now, I took a bit of time to go through some commercials and a playlist of this year's ads...I have to say that again, I am blown away by Audi. I first seriously noticed the company in 2008, from the Summer Olympics "Progress is Beautiful" commercial--I think it had such an aesthetic impact on me that I even cited it in a few papers I wrote last year in AP Language.

This year, yet again: such a creative genius. The "Luxury Prison" ads were so innovative, the kind of smart that doesn't even require the actual car to be in the commercial. Their other "Goodnight" ad was also great, definitely stylistically different from past years, but beautiful nonetheless.

Is it so wrong for me to say that 2008 made me want an Audi, and 2011 confirms whatever doubt remained of this desire? When I'm stable and out of college, I want my first self-bought, new automobile to be an Audi. Mmmm.

All right that's enough. I can't do this car talk thing, though I can analyze commercials and derive too much from 30-second commercials. I am a prime subject to be manipulated by these things...insane though, I love seeing how advertising evolves.

day twenty-five

What's in your purse?

I very rarely carry a purse because I use a backpack for school...but on normal days when I do have one:

• Hand sanitizer
• Phone
• Lip balm
• Tissues
• Keys
• Water
• Camera
• iPod
• Beats
• Pen/pencil/eraser
• Candy of some sort or a peanut bar

day twenty-four

A photo of something that means a lot to you

I could not get lamer, but I don't have any other photos on hand :(.

SAY HELLO TO MY IPHONE 4...something that apparently means a lot to me! Well, yeah. It does. Not exactly what I want to represent my priorities and values, but will do.

day twenty-three

Fifteen facts about you

1) I was born in California and I think my brief time there does influence the pace at which I live and how I interact with others.

2) I am getting an iPhone 4 today...it was already delivered earlier, but I wasn't home so now I have to wait hopefully only another half an hour :).

3) I had stick-straight "asian" hair up until sixth grade; now, it's curly.

4) I wear a heart-shaped ring from my parents on my right hand, which I never take off.

5) I probably have smaller hands than you and everyone you have ever met in your life.

6) I believe in quality over quantity and therefore trust in name-brands a little too much.

7) I cannot get enough of avocados, ever since traveling to Haiti last summer :).

8) I am conversational in French, although I was even better over the summer.

9) I can improvise on the piano and have a knack at picking up instruments (does in no way mean that I am gifted at playing them, though)

10) I remember an oddly large number of my dreams.

11) I'm only competitive when the ball comes to me.

12) I want to visit all seven continents.

13) I set my alarm clock to 15 minutes before I am actually awoken so that I can get out of the deep sleep cycle and not be cranky in the morning.

14) My roof is both my most inaccessible and favorite place to relax.

15) I love the weather right before it rains.

day twenty-two

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear ____,

I just wish you'd trust me more. And that we could talk more, even though we do. Often.

That's about it.

Love,

M

xlv

I hope the Steelers win, if only for Liz Rada.

Rest in peace...we miss you always.

day twenty-one

A photo of something that makes you happy

(Photo from Wikipedia)

I don't really know how to emphasize this. Today was spent with two church fellowships in Philadelphia (I did have a fantastic interview right before our hangout, though), ending with the concert I mentioned two posts below. Being with other Christians for a full day is really energizing, especially those with a passion for praise...not sure what to say other than our God is good. I hope I can be more bold about this.

I'm really tired right now, so that's it. I don't think I'm going to get around to my interview log today, either...

day twenty

The meaning behind your blog name

Exactly what it says: musings. My musings.

GOING TO DO TWO OF THESE SINCE I WAS MEANING TO DO ONE "YESTERDAY" BUT I GOT HOME AT MIDNIGHT AHHH yay cheating on the challenge :)!

nostalgia, AGAIN

I'm killing some time/doing a few things I've been meaning to for a while, one being backing up my phone contacts in preparation for my new phone, which will be arriving in less than a week.

(First, I'd like to say that I'm impressed with Verizon's backing system, which quickly uploads all your contacts (300+ for me) onto your online account, which can be accessed anywhere and also downloaded onto new phones. Maybe this is an old thing and I'm outdated, but I think it's so cool and beats having to reenter all your contacts [what happened when my LG Chocolate died--nothing would transfer in the store].)

After doing that and taking the time to scroll through my contacts online, I decided to also (finally) upload all my mobile phone photos onto the computer using the adapter SD chip. I love this thing and probably should have used it from the start of my micro SD experiences, but never really thought of it until recently, when I stopped doing mobile food uploads for a few months. After I realized I was a couple dozen pictures behind, the prospect of sending MMSes to Facebook seemed rather idiotic. This is definitely the way to go.

But while taking my micro SD card out, I had to remove my LG Versa from its hard keyboard-attachment case, which I never do...and feeling the size of the bare phone in my hands struck a string of nostalgia in me. I'm not exactly sure why, and it's pretty sad to admit that I did feel a connection with my phone, but nevertheless...it's true.

I remember fighting my way to this phone, researching for days and finally stumbling upon the Versa, whose release was conveniently a week or two after my Chocolate broke; instead of quickly buying a replacement phone, I begged my parents and waited and when the day came, it was glorious. I went after school with a previously-placed order, receipt in hand, and walked out of the store with this radiant box of yummy technology. I loved my Chocolate, but this was the first phone that I was crazy for and received.

Two years later, the iPhone 4 comes along. In retrospect, and in current-spect, my Versa still works very well even if it is a bit laggy (though I think it's my fault for accidentally sort of hacking the system and storing more text messages than is allowed) (also I had a couple hundred photos on it, even though I constantly delete old ones and this shouldn't matter anyhow) (why did I delete them when I could have just uploaded them!!! Argh) and technically I don't need a new phone...but as my contract just expired and college will likely require some sort of smartphone anyway, I felt like it was an opportune time. Plus, I am an amateur tech junkie at heart and this kind of stuff (being able to get my hands on new appareils quickly) always makes me so happy, even if it's just materialism at its core. Yeah.

However, I do plan on keeping my Versa handy, whether to pass onto someone else or to simply store in case I need a back-up phone (apparently a very good idea, since many of my friends/people I know have had problems and can't buy new phones without paying full price and thus are stuck with broken ones? Something like that?). I still very occasionally pull out my chocolate and turn it on and start typing out some text messages--I love the feel of the buttons, something that was hard to get used to without when I switched--the Versa's buttons are so hard to press--and probably will do the same for my Versa baby come a bout of nostalgia. Like right now.

ANYWAY, it's getting late and I have my last (I think!) college interview tomorrow, followed by a full day spent with a church in Philly, leading to a concert in the evening by Tim Be Told and The Reilly Band. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to dress for an interview --> hang out --> concert, but I guess we'll see. It's also meant to snow/rain tomorrow...always a surprise!

flattered

Today, a friend told me that she recently conducted her Brown interview over the phone...

A: They asked me "why Brown," and the only thing I could really think of is you and how much you wanted to go there. So that's what I said.

(Me: WHAT???)

day nineteen

Another picture of yourself

day eighteen

Something you crave a lot

A film SLR...which surprisingly, I received in the mail today :). Thank you Victor! He's lending me his 50mm lens and giving me the extra AE-1 he bought--I'm so, so psyched to test it out (I actually already played with it a bit and cleaned parts of it, but no where to the extent that I plan on)!!!

Another thing I'm craving is the iPhone 4 for Verizon, WHICH AS OF TODAY HAS A RESERVED QUANTITY THAT IS PURCHASABLE FOR CURRENT VERIZON CUSTOMERS and my brother bought me one at 3am today, when it went on sale online! I don't know what I'm more excited about at the moment, this camera or my new phone. My goodness.

But to put a damper on today, the report card I received yesterday afternoon was flawed :(. I noticed that my AP Statistics teacher curved our midterm grade, which was incredibly kind and bumped me up back into the 90s (I was doing fine until just recently so I sort of felt like it was appropriate), BUT I became aware that it was an accident today, and I do think she changed it back. Which is actually very upsetting since I perceived my grades as fairly strong with that one in the 90s, but after the drop I can't help but feel sad, if not disappointed.

Yet at the same time, it really is the grade I deserve. And I'm writing a scholarship essay on dishonesty, so this is fitting. Even though I was not dishonest, in all honesty, I'm lucky to have an 88 with the effort I lacked at the end of the marking period (although I studied 5+ hours for the midterms...sigh).

Time to trust in God--or should I say: a reminder that I need to trust in God always and less in my academic transcript.

OKAY but I cannot trust God to delay my scholarship deadline that I've just barely become eligible to apply to, so OFF I GO. Forty-five minutes until its submission!

--

PS, I can't believe I forgot this; Happy Chinese New Year, of course! :))

PPS, If this challenge q was asking about food: avocados and mashed potatoes.

day seventeen

A photo of you and your family

(From left to right: Mom, me, Dartmouth President Jim Kim, brother, President's wife, Dad)

@ Austin's graduation weekend :) this is actually one of the only pictures we have of us together, and it includes two other people...I need to get on the family portrait train and take a nice one soon!

day sixteen

Your celebrity crush

Thanks to Inception, JGL :)

(Image via ScreenRant)

...Though I'm a bit saddened by the fact that he's fairly vulgar in real life.

But I still plan on buying this poster for my dorm room in college. Along with a huge Megatron one...and possibly the rest of the Inception series, even though Marion Cotillard now gives me nightmares.

day fifteen

Something you don't leave the house without

• phone
• sunglasses
• hair tie

Chapstick used to be on the list, too, but recently I haven't been using it...winter's being nice this year. Which is odd enough due to the massive snowstorms we've been sporadically receiving.

I loves it :)

--

Speaking of phones: my family and I decided on the iPhone 4 for Verizon! I was going to stick it out to get the 5, but it just seems that the costs outweigh the benefits. My brother and I have also been waiting a good three years for this release. So yup. Four days!

day fourteen

A TV show you're currently addicted to

Well, there are a ton. I actually just caught up with all my old favorites, but also started (and already caught up to!) a new favorite...

MODERN FAMILY :)

(Image from TV Fanatic)

I love this show. How can you not love it? Crazy, fun, and adorable. I will be the first to admit that sometimes The Office bores me, especially in its newer episodes...but Modern Family is definitely doing justice again to mockumentaries.

--

(PS: I'm supposed to be done my 30-day challenge today. Hum. I wonder if I should play catch up...? I always viewed this thing as more of something I didn't have to strictly stick to, especially since I am pretty much blogging every day...oh well. I will finish it in February!)

milk&honey

First stop motion-type video, though I was more playing with iMovie than focused on content. I'm hoping to try this again soon with a more legitimate result.

This is also the first time I've tried posting a video on Blogger...I will easily admit that it's a bit of a pain that I have to upload it...and then I just realized I could embed it from Flickr. Yay me.

ANYWAYS, enjoy.

day thirteen

Your favorite musician and why

When I was reading my old posts the other day, I actually found one that answered this question (though only for one of my favorites). I guess I could redirect, but that's too easy, so here's a shorter explanation for my top three, who have been my constant rotating favorites over the course of a few years.

• Incubus because of raw emotion
• Hillsong because of raw passion
• John Mayer because of raw musicality

I'm trying/starting to branch out, though. If anyone has suggestions, feel free to tell me! :)