30 November 2010

never again

A short while ago, I deleted all messages on my main gmail account up to late 2009. The account I've been using has been my domicile for longer than I can remember (one of the few usernames that lasted)...I thought very little of deleted all the emails; although I'm very bad at letting go, I decided it was necessary since I often sift through old mail for nostalgic purposes...and then today.

Enter "futureme.org".

I found this website in 2006, when I was an eighth-grader. I wrote a letter to myself, decided a one year lapse wasn't long enough for me to forget, and received it in 2008. Yet again, after receiving this message, I wrote another one and dated it for 2010 (funny, since I was just thinking about it the past few days, knowing it was to arrive in November, but I couldn't be sure of what year).

Today, it came.

I read it...moved, per usual, and completely wallowing in nostalgia at the moment--but, thankfully, I'm incredulous at how much God has worked in my life.

This is all fine and dandy, EXCEPT for the fact that now I desperately want to read the first letter I sent. I included bits of it in the email I wrote for 2010, but I want to see my writing style (I know it was horrific and filled with emoticons, no doubt). I remember writing about my new-found addiction to Bi Rain and Korean Dramas, who I liked, how I was doing spiritually, and a yelling at myself to go exercise daily (still hasn't happened. Dang).

But I want to see it so, so badly...and of course, I never thought through the fact that I might have emails I would want to look back upon when I deleted all of those...well, I actually did, but I figured I'd have to deal with it.

And deal with it I have to.


(And now I've spent--I hesitate to use the word "wasted"--about half an hour. So much homework! Poop. I'm going to write a lengthier, longer letter in the near future :) and this time, since I just made a FutureMe account, I'll have it saved regardless of email mishaps...)

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