25 September 2010

disappointment has a name

Not allowed to go to Burkina this summer...instead, I'm supposed to work at a restaurant for pocket money.

Here is where my (almost) 16 years of being spoiled comes into play. I literally may have the biggest tantrum of my life. I understand the whole "don't get a real job during high school because you need to focus on your studies" mentality, but I feel it exceedingly unfair to just throw the complete opposite upon me during the supposedly best summer of my life, the only summer when I'm not bogged down with high school homework/trying to "enhance" my high school resume or with trying to get an internship to "enhance" my college resume.

In short, I feel betrayed. I also find the justification behind not letting me go scathingly ironic. I can understand financial issues, but why plan on letting me attend at 10-day program in Europe--a complete luxury--and deny me this opportunity (and yes, I decided on my own will not to go because of many hypothetical personal conflicts)? And "I don't like Africa" is perhaps the worst finish to an argument one could ever make. Also worth noting that they believe that if it truly was my calling, then they wouldn't have a hard time agreeing to it. Does that really make sense when their final words are "I don't like Africa"?

Betrayed. I feel betrayed.

However, I am realistic enough to see a hole in how useful I would be there. If the sole plan is to plant a church, building and hammering away at a rooftop, then I will openly admit that I am of no use there (yet). If the sole purpose is grain distribution, I would not try and foolishly trick myself into going. After Haiti, I question much of the first-world country "aid" we provide...but if we are working on a church to further His kingdom...

I know I'm not going. I guess I'm not mature enough. I suppose I have to do what my parents want me to, even if it's staying home and working at a restaurant the whole summer, as they are willingly paying for my college tuition in full (though where I will go...yeah). It pains me to no end, but if my command until 18 years is to honor my parents, then what else can I do?

I'll be ready for the next opportunity.

No comments:

Post a Comment