19 September 2009

clarification

The point of an accountability group is to encourage one other and build each other up. The problem with this is that from what I can gather, accountablity can often be used as a fallacy for gossip. Since as humans we are very people-oriented and often have at least one person in mind, problems and situations easily involve others, and while discussing one's personal life, another's may easily slip in.

I will not lie: I am guilty of this, though I try to cover it up and convince myself otherwise. Although often times the discussion of another person very much pertains to your own self, I've recently been brought to the attention that others I trust(ed) have been talking about my personal life and things I have told others in confidence without any shame. And it hurts. So much to the point that I've been reconsidering a good portion of all their actions towards me. Why scout out my individual attention, smile at me, and even pay attention to me if, in secret (or not really, I guess), all you have to say about me are false convictions?

And so I've decided to start carefully evaluating my actions and conversations to and with each other. If I'm so offended at something that others I'm not close to have been saying about me, I don't want to make the same mistake, consciously or not. If I can learn to not hurt others through ways I am hurt, then this whole ordeal will be worth it in the end.

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