dee oh en ee

See that? It's a 77. WHICH IS WHAT I GOT ON MY PHYSICS FINAL!!! You may be thinking--wow, how pathetic! She's so excited about getting a D. BUT LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. IT'S FOURTH MARKING PERIOD SENIOR YEAR >>> WAIT, SENIOR YEAR IS NOW OFFICIALLY OVER...BUT ANYWAY, with a full-blown case of Senioritis and with a calculated, necessary target score of 75, I HAVE BOTH MET AND EXCEEDED MY GOAL!

Who has a B for the year?! Who absolutely CANNOT get rescinded from Cal?!! (Okay I don't want to speak too fast, but this definitely means I am beyond the safe zone! :)) WHO IS SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW?!

Me :).

Bye bye, high school...it was nice knowing you, and I'm sure I'll miss you, but in this moment, I swear I'm infinite. PoBaW reference. You know it.

the only context that i will ever swear in.

Fuck.

I might get rescinded. How did I not spot this error two marking periods ago...?!

I'm sick to my stomach. Literally. I feel like I'm going to keel over and puke my guts out. This cannot happen. I don't know how it happened. Why the hell would a school switch to a new online grades host website that gives inaccurate cumulative grades--couldn't you at least make an announcement telling us that they're wrong? Why would I bother hand-calculating my grades for the whole year when I am blatantly presented with the option of letting a computer system do it for me? How would I have detected the error in that?

Matthew 11:28. You will give me rest. I know that. You already cleared open this path for me, one that I never imagined I could and would take. And I know that You give and take away...but please. Bring me through this. I am humbled. I really am. I know I don't deserve such a prestigious school, but I absolutely cannot fathom what just happened. Why. WHY.

ten days later

I'm packing. I'm not sure what to expect in terms of weather (maybe that's why I keep changing the list of clothes I'll bring), I'm not sure what kind of first impression I'll make, I feel like I'm going to have allergies from sleeping on a dorm room floor... ...and I'm scared I won't like it.

What if I don't like it.

That's absurd. Of course I'll like it! It's where I was born, it's in California, it's beautiful, I've always wanted to move back, I have one or two people here and there that I can grasp onto if need be, my brother is only an hour away (first time in six years), I don't have to trash all my scarves, I am going to be studying art and French and things that I love, six out of ten students are Asian and thus I should never feel racially and relatable-ly alone...

Just, what if.

I'm very spoiled.