24 August 2009


1) I'm pretty hostile when it comes to past relationships (friendships with [mutual] attraction especially). This mindset is terrible, but I always feel like whoever comes after me is supposed to make me jealous or act as a version 2.0 of whatever I was to whomever. And so I get bitter easily, always am under the impression that I'm being one-upped, or feel just plain replaced. It's so selfish, but I even think this way in terms of normal friendships. If someone I'm good friends makes a new friend and so much as talks to her, I feel like I'm being replaced. It's stupid, but it's true.

2) Tomorrow (today, technically, and I can't seem to get the timestamp correct on my blog, but that's not important) I have my annual physical. I think I gain about 5lbs each year...this year being no exception. The only difference is the weight gain is very recent; say within the past two weeks, and so I know I'll lose it as soon as I stop stressing about all the tiny details in my life. Usually I dread physical check-ups, but I'm kind of excited to see how fat I am now. It gives me a ton of motivation. A little messed up, I'll admit, but it usually works.

3) The Thanksgiving movie is pretty much complete. I'm surprised we fit all the rest of the important scenes in today; there are literally only one or two more things to complete, and then a few extra side-projects to work on to make it go smoother. However, I've learned that I am a very controlling person when it comes to deadlines, and that it is possible to finish what seems impossible in a short amount of time. Hoorah!

4) I already said this while talking to one of my bests, but knowing people read what I blog sometimes takes away from how honest I am. Not to say that I immediately put up a mask, since that in no way is true, but I do moderate many of the things I'd like to talk about. Anyway, I know that a few people may be reading this, but I've decided that if I go touchy on topics...tough luck. I'm not begging, let alone asking, for readers, so if you choose to read then what you see is not my concern. A bit harsh, but I'm off Xanga and one of the things I had to do daily was make sure that my posts were everyone-appropriate...not implying that I want to change that, but for example it would be hard for me to write a post on my suicide attempt, or anything related to it, knowing that a good chunk of people I know would be reading it and asking one-too-many questions in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But I suppose that since you've managed to find me, or even take the time to read what I say, I'm not to complain or get angry/defensive/weird if I'm asked questions of what I've written about.

5) Hi, I know you're reading this, and I just wanted to say that I love you! :)

Okay bye.

1 comment:

  1. I bet lots of people can relate to the the whole one-up friendship/relationship thing, I know I can. Oh well, keep praying :] and it'd probably be impossible to find a more honest/unmasked blog than yours.